According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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