He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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