After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
