Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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