i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
