Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
