shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
