Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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