No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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