bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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