Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
