I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
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the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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