Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
