So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
