And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
