Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
