a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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