is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
