so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
