My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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