I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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