I think my fart just growled at me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
