I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
