She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
