I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
