I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
