some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
