I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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