We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize