Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
