If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
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Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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