There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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