it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
