I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
