She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
