...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i dont even know how to be here
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
