how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
