sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
