can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
