When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
