Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
These tits shall not be calmed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
