So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
