that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
