i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
