My hair reeks of homosexuality.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
