she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
