Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
