My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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