So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
