she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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