I think my vagina is haunted
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
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Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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