I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
where are my eyebrows?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
