oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
