I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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