Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
