Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
