I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
