Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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