I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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