Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
