a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I deserve this hangover.
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