Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think your dad took our porno
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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