1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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