areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
