There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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