yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
