Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
