Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
