This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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