Umm I'm too high to move.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize