dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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