I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize