New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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