he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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