Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
my liver is dry heaving
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
