Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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