We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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